He’s not really sure how to be single but he’s goddamn happy he is, and he’s sure as hell going out tonight.
He’s also the arch-nemesis of The Resigned Fiance, who’s in an equally unhappy relationship but just kind of kept going with it, unable to resist the sweet, sweet inertia, and who most certainly does not want to hear about The New Lease On Life Guy’s latest exploits.
Yes, the woman fit for The Total Package will be the ultimate icing on his cake of perfection.
He imagines her often—gorgeous as they come, she turns heads; bursting with charm and charisma, she lights up every room she enters; she’s a brilliant rising star in her career and beloved by her many friends.
Find me a group of 30-year-old men and I’ll pick out one overgrown frat dude living with roommates, another guy who just dropped his two kids off at school, a few who are well into their careers and a couple soul-searchers looking for work.
Some will tell you that they’ve finally figured it all out and some more will say they feel hopeless for the first time in their lives. But perhaps the motliest part of this crowd is the ever-growing group of 30-year-old single guys.
And he’s noticing that girls like his ex-girlfriend don’t seem to be all that into him anymore.The Misogynist doesn’t know a whole lot about the other gender, but he can tell you the exact number of them he’s slept with—214.He did quite well with girls back in his earlier days when many were in their attracted to assholes phase, but lately, only those with the lowest self-esteem seem to gravitate towards him.And that’s just her public persona—at home, she’s fantastic in bed, a spectacular cook, loving, selfless, and devoted. He’s immersed in a fierce battle between his superhuman standards and his terror of being 40 and single—because 40 and single is not supposed to be part of The Total Package’s story.Oh and she also speaks French, plays tennis, sings beautifully, reads voraciously and she’s a history buff. As long as anyone can remember, The New Lease On Life Guy had been dating his longterm girlfriend.